I’ve just been to register, rack my bike and hand over my Bike to Run transition bag. I feel like I’ve just handed over my life’s possessions for someone to take care of. That empty feeling in the gut, nerves making you not think straight had me wandering about the registration like a lost soul. Why?
I met up with a friend early this morning for breakfast. Helen hasn’t competed in endurance events and said she had read my last blog and commented on how technical it was. I guess it is, for those who don’t cycle long distances, but the same can be applied to a 5k or a big event, moving house or moving abroad. I’m going to attempt to describe my emotions to someone who hasn’t done anything like this.
My emotions are full of nerves, not because it is a long way and that is daunting enough but because it means something to me. This feeling of thinking through what ifs, and not knowing what will happen is a normal human reaction. When you’re queueing up to that exam at Uni that you’ve spent years/months preparing for, or when you are boarding a plane, leaving your home after so long not knowing what the future will bring, or waiting for a phone call for a job that you have set your sights on. I bet the feeling is the same. It is because you want that something a lot, you have invested time and energy in doing so and therefore the thought of not being able to do it rips you apart, or the thought of missing something too much is hard to bare.
This is why I pour over the route time and again, trying to work out what it is going to be like. Allowing myself to believe I’ll get to the Bike Run transition after an injury prone build up is my way of coping with the unknown. Mindfulness as Andy said today would have me saying ‘It’s ok, I’m still alive, I’ve still got all my bones in tact if i don’t finish’. And yes, while this may be true, I still have that feeling of time invested in this race and I really want to finish it. It’s the next one on my ‘how far and how big can I go list’.
I’ve broken the route into its smallest bits and I will be fighting each one at a time. If I get to the next, bonus, if I don’t then I will need to move on.
For now, though, until 4am tomorrow morning, I will be waiting to start and I probably won’t rest until I do!
Follow my progress if you wish http://racedrone.net/event/rat-race-city-to-summit I’m number 156 – Glenn Tait.
P.s. there looked like a lot of fit people in registration today, I’ll be the one that looks like he had Greggs for breakfast and too much beer with no six pack or muscles in sight! 🙂