Balls, I’ve done it again

I ran this morning to work, it’s an 8km journey and it took me the usual 40mins.  However, I also ran yesterday evening -a gentle 5km to see how my ankle fared.  The ankle was fine, and it was OK when I got up.  So I tied my laces, packed my work clothes into the rucksack and set off.  During the run I could feel it was tight but nothing bad.  I kept running.  The tightness increased but I put it down to recovery and tight calves from the run yesterday.  I kept running.

Stretching when I arrived at work and a nice walk for a cool down I went into the shower. By the time I’d dried off the ankle was sore.  The Achilles heal was hurting once again.  Not an ache but a jagged paid and the creaking was worse.

Why did I run? I clearly didn’t have enough rest? My goals of running two marathons in October is in jeopardy.  I guess I need to hear what the physio says tomorrow.  Although I’m dreading hearing that I’ll need to rest.  I know that’s what he will say.  I know he will tell me to do eccentric exercises to strengthen the heel.  He may even tell me it is going to be an injury I’ll have for a long time and that it will repeat itself.  He will tell me it in an unsympathetic way, or even a patronising way.  I just know this but I suppose I need to hear it from the professional just to give myself peace of mind.

I’m fed up now.  I was before, but now I am really fed up with being injured.  I just want to get out there, on the trails and the inner city routes.  I want to be pain free, I want to run without being over cautious.  I want that miracle cure. It isn’t going to come and I just need to accept that.

I feel like I’ve let myself down, I feel I’ve failed and I haven’t already started.  I feel I might not be able to recover from this.  I don’t know what to do.

This is depressing so I am going to stop.

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