So here it is. I’m scared. More than that I’m nervous. I’m probably living in a state of denial. What I say, what I do and what I actually think are completely different. What I think changes with every day and with every footstep.
This is almost like a lance Armstrong interview except the only person I’m lying to is me.
For months now, everyday, every minute I’m feeling it, I’m thinking of it, I’m thinking, if I change the way I walk, sit, lie, it will get better. Is it better? Is it worse? What am I feeling? How is it? All these bloody questions with no real answer . I sometimes lose sleep over it. Some days there’s no pain, others there is. There is no consistency. There is no visible cause. So many factors are prevalent in every day that it could be any or all or some.
With rest being driven on me from all angles I need a target. A target for the trial run. A target for the next state of recovery, if that is what it is. Recovery.
I can say the following is true
I still feel some pain in the leg
I don’t have the ITB pain tho
I don’t have the same level of pain as I did after the Physio
I don’t have the same pain as I did during the Physio.
The pain is mild but present
My knee feels weaker
I don’t know if it will hold up when I run
I’m scared, nervous of what will happen when I run
The latter has almost helped me rest. I can’t wait to run but I don’t want to find out that when I do I’m still in pain. Rendering me right back to the start.
So that’s my confession blog. I’m not sure if I’m ready for February – the mental date id said I definitely wouldn’t run until.
Now February is looming. Almost a week away. I’m scared.